Being Your Authentic Self

Living your authentic self can be a great challenge.  You may have heard for “just be yourself” or “just be confident”.  I like to say to be your authentic self because to me it means not listening to anyone else, not seeking approval from others, not lashing out for attention.  You listen to your inner calling and pursue without worrying about how others will respond.

You may be scared to be your honest and authentic self because of the fear of being disliked.  You may be afraid of losing friends or embarrassing yourself in front of others.  So, you change the way you act to appear perfect on the outside to please others.  

But ironically, you are isolating the same people you want to connect with.   And you will never fully connect unless you reveal the whole you, the good and the bad.

When you feel the time is right and you found someone you feel safe to talk to, to truly share who you really are, only then can you make an honest and deep connection.

Sure, it will offend some people, but it will attract the right people to you and repel the people who you shouldn’t waste your time with.  If those people disagree, then that means they are simply not resonating with you, and you should probably move on.

Changing who you are can be seen as dishonest and masks who you really are.  I have had a great deal of issues revealing who I really was deep down inside to others for many reasons.  But when I finally did reveal myself, ironically it brought me even closer to the people I decided to fully reveal myself to.

A perfect example would be in the movie “40 Year Old Virgin”, Andy never told his love interest Beth that he was a virgin and the secrecy and suspicious behavior drove Beth to believe he was a psycho.  After finally revealing to Beth that he was a virgin, they finally connected and ended up getting married. Behind all that secrecy, Beth stated that it wasn’t even important.  

No More Mr.Nice Guy by Dr. Rober A. Glover

No More Mr. Nice Guy!

Dr Robert A. Glover demystifies the myth of a “nice guy” and tells the cold hard truth about how they were developed and how to recover from this behavior if you are one.

As someone suffering from it personally, I have spent countless hours seeking approval from women, only to scare them off and feel lonelier and lonelier because of it. Wanting change, I decided to pick up this book and give it a try.

I was immediately hooked on this book when Robert defined what it meant to be a “nice guy” and listed different examples of men that fell in that category. He then threaded all of them and defined a common universal theme behind the “nice guy”.  Never meeting their needs, they seek approval from others and hide their imperfections and flaws to in order to be liked. These men, (myself included) never argue with a woman or express their opinions. Inherently “flawed” they work hard to hide themselves to be liked.

The pros:

• Robert gives a great overview on how the “nice guy” came about in the last 5 decades. It is well researched and thought it. I found it very intriguing
• I especially like the mini-exercises given in each chapter or so. It really helps my reinforce what I learned and helps facilitate open discussion and dialogue with others.
• Ties in childhood trauma and how it plays out in our adult lives that lead us to become “nice guys”

The con:

• The only con is that he repeats the same ideas over and over throughout the book. I like the idea of learning through repetition, but it got a bit redundant down the road.

Overall, I feel this a fantastic start for a “nice guy” to break free from his ways and develop new habits. This is a great stepping stone for me and anyone else interested in this topic. It is definitely a worthy read. If you want to learn to have to take assertion, get your needs met in a relationship, and even have a better sex life, this is the book to read.  There are great mind shifts that I think will make a huge difference.

The Law Of Attraction and How it Can Work For You.

The Law of Attraction has been talked about for a very long time in books and media such as “The Secret”

For those of you who are not familiar with the concept or has not heard of it, I will break it down for you today.

In the simplest sense:

It is manifesting your wishes and dreams by aligning yourself with the vibration signals of the universe.

Esther and Jerry Hicks talks about the law of attraction as paddling downstream in their book “Sara” , or simply going with the flow.   From my perspective, it is really taking a look at how you think and feel and keeping it in check.

Negative thoughts and feelings will only attract more negativity.

Positive thoughts and feelings on the other hand will help you be more aligned with the universe and help you get what you want.

A lot of wealth creation, success, and love/relationship “gurus” refer to the law of attraction and teach it according to their niche market.

On the surface, the concept can be very simple.

But, the nitty gritty how-to can be very complex.

In a nutshell, practicing the law of attraction is asking what you want in order to receive it.  You can’t be shy about it, because the only way to get what you want to ask in confidence and send out the vibration signals out to the universe.  This can be done with a series of affirmations or prayers.

The most important thing about the concept of law of attraction sending out positive vibes and remembering that you deserve it.  Whether that be the wealth, job, or relationship that you are looking for, it is all applicable.

Also, smiling and giving thanks can go a very long way.

Looking for more in-depth information on the Law of Attraction?

Here are few books worth looking into:

Money, and the Law of Attraction: Learning to Attract Wealth, Health, and Happiness

Money, and the Law of Attraction is formatted in five, vibrant essays:
Part I – Processing of Pivoting and Positive Aspects
Part II – Attracting Money and Manifesting Abundance
Part III – Maintaining Your Physical Well-Being
Part IV – Perspectives of Health, Weight, and Mind
Part V – Careers, as Profitable Sources of Pleasure

Sara, Book 1: Sara Learns the Secret about the Law of Attraction

Although this is a children’s book, it breaks down the “Law of Attraction” clearer than anybody else, it follows the story of a girl named Sara and through her adventures discovers how to vibrate with the universe.   It is a very quick read and very enjoyable.  There is also 2 other books that follow after this one.

The Secret

Quiet possibly the most popular and controversial book in regards to the law of attraction.  It also  covers a great variety of applications such as weight loss, love and relationships, and wealth.  I consider this a great entry level book and possibly look into other books to focus more on the how-to and how to apply it to different aspects of your life.   My advise is to forget the controversy and pick up a copy and judge for yourself.

Top Self Help Books About Transformation For Women

Here are a few recommendations for Self Help books regarding transformation for women.  If you are looking to change and empower yourself, please take a look at the selection below.

 

Empowering Transformations For Women

A Place Called Self: Women, Sobriety & Radical Transformation

The Tao of Equus: A Woman’s Journey of Healing and Transformation through the Way of the Horse

Iron Butterflies: Women Transforming Themselves and the World

Enlightened Power: How Women are Transforming the Practice of Leadership

10 Quotes of Encouragement For Women

Women specific quotes may be hard to find, so that is why I decided to put together some quotes that I thought would be great for women:

1.  The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself. – Anna Quindlen.

2.  You move totally away from reality when you believe that there is a legitimate reason to suffer. – Byron Katie.

3.  The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any. – Alice Walker.

4.  “A careless word may kindle strife;

A cruel word may wreack a life.

A bitter word may hate instill;

A brutal word may smite and kill.

A gracious word may smooth the way

A joyous word may light the day.

A timely word may lessen stress.

A loving word may heal and bless.

-Author Unkown

5. “Here I am, where I ought to be” – Louise Erdrich

6.  “Only when your consciousness is totally focused on the moment you are in can you receive whatever gift, lesson, or delight that moment has to offer”. – Barbara De Angelis

7.  ” Stop worrying about the potholes in the celebrate the journey!”-Barbara Hoffman

8. “The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen nor touched but are felt in the heart.” – Helen Keller

9.  “Putting your troubles in writing often helps to define them; it gives them boundaries instead of allowing them to fill your thoughts in a vague”-Darlene Sala

10.  “Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable.” Sydney Harris

For further reading, please check out the following books below:

The Confident Woman Devotional: 365 Daily Inspirations

The Woman’s Book of Confidence: Meditations for Strength and Inspiration

The Women’s Book of Positive Quotations

Inspiring Words For Women Gift Edition: Thoughts of Hope and Encouragement When You Need Them (Inspirational Library)

Daily Inspiration for Women: From the Poetry of Helen Steiner Rice

The Power of a Woman’s Words

The One Year Book of Inspiration for Girlfriends: Juggling Not-So-Perfect, Often-Crazy, but Gloriously Real Lives (One Year Books)

A List of Motivational Quotes to Get You Through the Day

Everyone can use some motivation to get you through the day.  Things might not go your way or something really sudden happens to you and ruins your day.

Well, don’t let it ruin your day, learn from it and grow from it.

When the chips are down and you star doing negative self-talk, you can remember:

“People don’t just get upset.  They contribute to their upsetness” -Albert Ellis

Or, if you want to keep yourself in perspective just think of this:

“When I hear somebody sigh that life is hard, I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?”-Sydney J. Harris

When thinking about happiness, you can remind yourself of:

“Happiness is a perfume you cannot pour on others without getting a few drops on yourself”-Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

These quotes were from:

The Daily Book of Positive Quotations

 

If you looking for more, check out:

The Girls’ Book of Wisdom: Empowering, Inspirational Quotes from over 400 Fabulous Females

Success and Happiness – Quotes to Motivate Inspire & Live by

Quotable Quotes

Self-help books Can Help People With Depression

In recent news, Self-Help books have been recommended as the first steps to deal with depression.  I found it interesting that reading that you can at least get things going and help people with low intensity intervention methods.  What makes it even more interesting is that no matter what level of depression, there were beneficial signs showing that these books were working.

What I noticed were which books were read in this extensive research?  It would be interesting to know which were the books given the 2,500 patients that went through the study.  Maybe one book was more effective than the other.   I am not sure if there was a breakdown of this but, it would be interesting to find out.

But, with that being said, I would like to cover some strategies for depression you can use now.  On your journey to grow and developing yourself, depression can be detrimental if not treated.

What are ways to Combat depression?

In a book called The Depression Cure by Stephen S. Ilardi,  Therapeutic Lifestyle Change (TLC), which lays out a six step program that helps alleviate depression.

Stephen designed this program because he believes that “human beings were never designed for the poorly nourished, sedentary, indoor, sleep-deprived, socially isolated, frenzied pace of twenty-first-century life.”   (The Depression Cure by Stephen S. Ilardi)

To change things around, Stephen recommends these 6 things:

1. Eat more omega 3 fatty acids- predominantly fish-oil that we most have been lacking in our American diet.

2. Have more social interaction-such as getting together with 6-8 of your friends have to have a dinner or an afternoon lunch on a Sunday.

3. Do physical exercise-150 minutes of moderate exercise recommended by today’s physician.

4. Get  sunlight exposure-going outside and getting sunshine and the Vitamin D that comes with the exposure.

5. Rid of negative thoughts-Avoiding to dwell on the past and negative thoughts that are toxic to us is critical to reducing depression.

6. Receive sleep-regular sleep and a decent hour.

Recent studies show that 70 percent of the people who went through the TLC program experienced a 50 percent or greater reduction in depression.

For me, that is FANTASTIC, which statistically proves that his methods has benefits in improving your mental well-being.

To learn more about Stephen’s powerful six-step method to reducing depression, please visit:

The Depression Cure: The 6-Step Program to Beat Depression without Drugs

Also, there is:

Self-Coaching: The Powerful Program to Beat Anxiety and Depression, 2nd Edition, Completely Revised and Updated

And:

The Mindful Way Through Depression: Freeing Yourself from Chronic Unhappiness (Book & CD)

 

They are both definitely worth checking out if you or someone you know is going through depression or anxiety.   Start today, and you’ll definitely thank yourself later for it.

How to be Endlessly Self-Motivated

Being self motivated can be very difficult, especially if you are not seeing the results that you want.

For example, losing weight.  You run, you try all these difference workout and after a few weeks you don’s see results.  You start losing motivation and you start going back to your old ways of sitting on the couch and doing nothing.

The biggest motivator for me is to have a goal, and it better be a damn good one too.  If your goals aren’t big enough or not worthy enough, it will not get you back up on your feet when you are down.

When looking at your goals, look at:

what is it really that you want accomplish?

Back to weight loss…

is it because you need to lower your cholesterol?

Being able to play with your grandkids?

Enjoy the latter years of your life with ease?

These goals will be what you look back to when the chips are down and when the times are tough.  When you don’t want to go workout anymore and want to quit, going back to that goal in mind will help you get back on your feet and keep going.

So what can you do?

1.  Take out a Piece of Paper or even open up an Microsoft Word document.

2. Write down your goals

3.  Then write down the biggest reasons why you want to achieve them.  Dig deep on this one and really look into why you want to accomplish your goal.  It has to have a good enough reason to get you through day in and day out.   Not just:  “I want to lose weight to look good for a wedding coming.”  That is a good goal to have, but once the wedding is over, you’ll most likely go back to your old ways.

With that being said, here are 3 very good books regarding motivation for you to read:

Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us

Based on 40 years of research, Daniel Pink exposes the conventional beliefs of motivation and how his research tells a different story.  He examines: -autonomy, mastery and purpose-and offers you great wisdom and techniques that may change how you see motivation for forever.

The Now Habit: A Strategic Program for Overcoming Procrastination and Enjoying Guilt-Free Play

Do you want a comprehensive plan to have guilt-free play AND get what you want done?

Dr.Flores’ techniques will help you get things done faster and sooner than ever before, without the stress of procrastination and lagging behind.

 

100 Ways to Motivate Yourself, Third Edition: Change Your Life Forever

Need some motivation?

How about 100 different ways to motivate yourself?

Breakthrough barriers to rid of negative thoughts and pessimistic views to achieve your deepest goals and dreams.

If you are ready to finally achieve those goals you’ve been putting off, Steve Chandler will definitely turn things around for you.